I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
