I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
