we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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