yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
