By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
