i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
