your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
