Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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