White coat. Heels.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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