i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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