I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
