I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
