You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize