So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
