I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
