woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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