i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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