You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
True college students do jello shots in the library
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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