that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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