I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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