she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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