the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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