My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
