No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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