Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
