dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
His nipple licking is glorious
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