Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
