I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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