Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize