Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
