pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
