Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it glows. i had to have it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
