Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The uberlube is also flammable
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
