OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
