C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
