Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i dont even know how to be here
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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