Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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