you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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