I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i believe in u and ur pee
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