There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
one two three fourrrrnication!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
