She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
