i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
