I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
