omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
