nut hugger
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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