That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
