Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
