Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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