I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
