Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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