Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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