just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
