i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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