I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
