grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
