my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
