'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
