D3 body, D1 cock
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
