now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
