I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
