I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She bit a glass in half.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
