giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
