I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Randomize
