I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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