Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
