imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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