a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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