How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
