Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
