why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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