suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
